I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
