I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Mom said you looked used
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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