I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
