So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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