Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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