she was so not down for the gang bang
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
