My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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