I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
