I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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