Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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