I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
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