yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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