I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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