She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
