We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
