now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
