You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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