Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
