Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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