Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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