Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
