when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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