I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
