I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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