get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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