So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
