I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
