Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
