I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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