sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
