wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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