if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
