I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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