She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
