I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
