Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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