I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
