1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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