I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
