she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I stole a fireplace last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
