went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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