so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
