even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
