honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
