I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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