and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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