I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
