i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
