I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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