I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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