just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize