We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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