Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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