so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
