now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
