I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
