I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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