What did we do last night that was yellow?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
