get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
50% drunk capacity currently
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
