Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
