Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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