fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You left your phone here
Wait...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
