i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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