guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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