its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
