I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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