I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
