Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize