i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
