She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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