I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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