i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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