you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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